Denial...not just a river.

I've been putting off this blog post for awhile. By not writing about IT, buying black shoes for IT, buying a brightly colored dress for IT, writing a Class Day speech before IT the next day, and not thinking about decorating my cap for IT, I'd say I have been living my life blissfully in denial, smiling widely when someone dare utters the "G" word, only to feel my eyes grow hot and start to tear.

But alas, denial can only take you so far.

IT...ugh, fine, GRADUATION is this weekend. The four years I've spent at my second home, sweet Meredith College, are coming to a close. It's a frightening, wonderful, exhilarating, and honestly, upsetting feeling, a jumble of emotions that I cannot quite track. I feel like this last week has been so busy, not with anything academic related, but just...stuff. I've planned a theatre banquet, written another skit, folded one pile (out of ten) of laundry, gone on a safari for overdue library books, Web MD'd possible foot ailments...you get the idea. I haven't had time to just...be in my college, and take in the little things that have always made MC that much more special. I passed by Joyner this afternoon and was suddenly struck with the thought that I walked those halls as a student for the last time this past Sunday. I'm getting my Oddball wig ready for tomorrow, and I can feel that lump returning to my throat again, and that painful pang in stomach gets tighter.

Thankfully, tonight I saw three of my very best friends, all Meredith alums, and all so special to me in so many ways. Kasey, blunt one that she is, said, "It sucks for awhile. You'll always miss it...but it gets better each day." Kellie merely asked, "What do you need Kiki? What do you need right now?" Meghan just scratched my back, which just about put me to sleep. And I can bet you when I see Amy tomorrow, she'll probably do what she always does, and say wise words to me that are true and will make me cry.

The one thing that all three reiterated was to enjoy each moment and to not be sad. Because, in retrospect, it really is going to be a phenomenal weekend. Alright. Deep breath...and....GO.

'E' is for elephants, Elphaba, and end-of-the-year...

Want to know a secret? I'm not that happy about exams ending. See, the thing is a lot of my friends are super excited about being top dog around our beloved campus and are already plotting post-Cornhuskin' practice Cook Out runs, wonderful fall break trips, and ideas about-gulp-what to do after. That's where I'm not so keen on saying I'm a senior...this whole "after" business. But I remember, I was like this when high school was about to end. I refused to say that I was officially a college freshie until I was actually on Meredith's campus...and I'm smiling because though these years have flown by, they really have been the best.


So maybe, juuuuust maybe, when I'm done on Friday at noon, after all of my exams and papers have been turned in, I'll take a chance...and say that I'm a senior. Here goes...

Off-to-on days

I started off my morning with a fall. It was fifty degrees and sunny so I thought I was safe wearing my Sperry shoes, but alas, I was so wrong. I went down my apartment steps, slid a little bit into the other set of stairs and it all went downhill from there (literally). I was a ping-pong ball and ricocheted off of an old tan colored van and landed on my back on a little still-icy hill. Um, ow. I lay on my back, my books splayed to the side, my backpack jabbing at my back, contemplating granny-crawling up the stairs and back into bed. I took it as a sign that this just was not the best day. But I didn't want to be absent from class this early in the game (I had to think about the days in the next couple months that I would need a true-blue mental health day), so I got up and hobbled to my car, still sliding, holding onto my books (and what was left of my dignity) for dear life.

You know the day where suddenly it seems like fifty million things are being thrown at you? That was today. A take-home exam, an exam on Monday, a couple papers, and an election candidate card? I thought I was going to pass out. However, I was saved by my lovely, lovely friends who have THE BEST senses of humor. In my math class, which I was slowly dying in, my professor announced that we had an exam. Sheryl (you should read about her below!) transferred to my class today and was sitting beside me (yaaaay). After prof announced that we would have a test (noooo), Sheryl scribbled in her notebook:

"Test on Monday-die before then."

I just about wet myself laughing, partly because it was very, very funny but also because in that moment I realized how lucky I was to have friends who, even when I may be having an off day, can never fail to make me laugh. So amidst seemingly-endless rehearsals, exams, and cups of coffee, I am starting to see that these "off" days can be righted and turned to an "on" day in a heartbeat.