We're on West Coast time now...

Aaaand I'm in Los Angeles. I guess I had this mindset that "people are people" and that the culture shock wouldn't be too bad. Sitting at my gate in Charlotte alone showed me that clearly I was not going to be in North Carolina no mo'. However...I feel as though I need to get my bearings and get to work. If there is one thing that rings true about this place is that while cool, interesting, laid back, and breezy, everyone is indeed, an actor. I have to keep telling myself, "Well, what did you expect? It's time to get to work."

Thankfully I stumbled upon a little Sunday goody that made me feel much better. I am a huge fan of random blogs, Twitter-feeds, etc. I love the Daily Beast website and today I clicked on the "Horoscope" section. Normally I don't really pay too much attention to horoscopes--one of my best friends loves astrology so she fills me in on the pros and cons of my sign :) But this gave me some comfort on a quiet morning on the West Coast:

"Scorpio: This week isn’t short on excitement—labeling it drama is entirely up to you. With Mercury in the final throes of retrograde, your professional profile or public image may take a few hits, and you may worry that your glory days are behind you. They’re not. Still, it’s healthy for you to ponder this. By Wednesday, Pluto, Jupiter and Venus form a grand trine, eradicating fear, and freeing you to operate on faith—you recall a time when you lived on an exclusive diet of the stuff, which reignites a fire in your belly. After a retreat, you rise phoenix-like by Saturday, daring to excede expectations, even your own."

Reigniting a fire in my belly and rising like a Phoenix? I do love that Harry Potter reference, DB :)

Just Go.

(Green Team)

The Kennedy Center intensive was only for ten days, but I feel like it changed me so much. In such a short time I made a group of friends, ranging in age and personality, that I know I will continue talking to for probably the rest of my life. We all got to meet and work with so many fabulous people (among them Paula Vogel, Marsha Norman, David Ives, Mame Hunter, Amy Attaway, Kristoffer Diaz...the list goes on) and it really cemented my decisions to leave come August.

Before I left for DC (and good lawwwd, I love DC), I was stuck. I was debating taking the safe way out and giving myself a year or two in Raleigh to save more money and then go. Sheryl said it best: "Sometimes you just need to shake things up in your life and then it all becomes clear." How true, how true. I went into this intensive calling Hilary literally ready to walk right back out of my dorm room ("I'm not ready for this! I don't belong here!") to coming out an infinitely better writer with more confidence, and the fiercest love I've felt for my crafts.

I talked to Paula Vogel for a little bit when she came. No lie, I was literally about to pee on myself. How do you talk to one of the most influential female playwrights, someone who has paved the way for women everywhere, without your voice cracking like a thirteen-year-old boy? Still, I introduced myself to her and told her about how we did How I Learned to Drive at Meredith. I told her about how I was having trouble placing myself in the artistry world, probably because I didn't quite know where to put myself generally. She was so kind; she smiled and took my hand and said, "How wonderful and lovely it is that you have had a chance to do it all with such strong women. Don't box yourself. Just go." Just go. Those two words meant so much last week and still mean the world to me now.

I try and explain how amazing and beautiful this experience was for me, but can't find the words to do it justice. It was so hard to come back. North Carolina is, and always will be my home. But I feel like there is a bigger need and ache to go and see and show what I can do. And come mid-August, this new adventure shall begin.

See, what had HAPPENED, was....

...I graduated eighteen days ago. As in, I walked across the stage, shook Dr. Hartford's hand, didn't trip, knocked over Peggy's hat, and then left Dorton Arena no longer a student of my beloved alma mater (I kind of hated typing that), and a newly motivated, unemployed, coral-dress-with-pockets citizen of the world. So, for the past two weeks and four days, this has been my routine:

8:45 a.m.: Wake up to my alarm and turn it off.
9:45 a.m.: Wake up to my alarm and turn it off.
10:45 a.m.: See the time, and literally roll out of bed because now it's just getting pathetic.
11:45 a.m.-1:00 p.m.: Job-search and start screaming at one point because my ring is pointed outward.
1:30 p.m-maybe 3:00 p.m..: Schelp my stuff from my apartment to either my dad's house in Cary or my mom's house in Garner. Really, whichever house has the best food/coffee supplies at the moment.
4:00 p.m.-5:30 p.m.: Go to the gym/maybe go walking with Hilary
6:30 p.m.: Attempt to socialize with Thathi, but quickly get aggravated when she asks for the millionth time why I am not enrolling in nursing school and why I am leaving for Los Angeles.
7:00 p.m.: Dinner. Usually a toss-up between hanging out with the fam or driving insanely fast to Raleigh where my friends are.
10:00 p.m.: A text from Dad, merely starting with "Hi," but meaning, "WhereareyouwhatareyoudoingwhoareyouwithIamafraidyouaredoingrebelliousthings." All said in a jumble.
11:00 p.m.-2:00 a.m.: Job searching, YouTube research, Facebook stalking, and contemplating my life on a too-small twin bed in my closet-sized room with a broken AC.

Hilary and I were so enthusiastic when school was about to end: "Our post grad lives are going to be THE BEST!" And they are. It's just, when it all comes down to it, we get down to one of my massive flaws: I lack patience. I see myself were I want to be, but frankly, it's exhausting looking up apartments, sending out resumes, panicking over my completely uprooting myself and frolicking in a land where everyone's an actor. I was completely validated when my MCG's voted me, "Most Likely to be the Next Tina Fey." I was insanely happy with that title, but really, it's a loooooong ways off. And I'm starting to become slightly (okay, well, DEEPLY) petrified of what lies ahead/stricken by the thought of being homeless on the coast of California. What if nothing happens at all? THEN what? Go back to the basics, I suppose. But what exactly were my basics?

I overanalyze a lot, in case you couldn't tell.

And then I remember the exciting things that are getting me through: I got into the Kennedy Center Playwriting Intensive Program, so I head up there in July, and will probably vomit with all of the amazing things I learn/fantastic people I meet. And I remember that most, if not all of the grad parties I've attended are full of people who are just like me. The ones who have gone to "Top Notch" schools like Duke, NYU, Stanford, etc. are done and home and are jobless just like everyone else. It's humbling. The playing field's equal, and (hopefully) everyone's ego is slightly deflated. For some reason it's comforting.

I see the playing field.

I just need to make the first big step.