Out with the old, in with the new

New Year’s Eve. I never thought it would come this quickly. I’m sitting in the Cleveland Airport right now, dignity intact this time (I wasn’t the “random selection” in the searching process, thank God. My pride can only take so much), and I’m marveling at how things in my life have suddenly changed. Relationships, classes, residency, family…me. I swear, my freshmen year college self wouldn’t recognize me now at all. I’m older, that’s for sure. Wiser? Getting there. And yet, there’s a childlike worry of the year that follows. Last night when I totally should’ve been sleeping, Divya and I had our classic “last night of the trip” talk fest and covered every single base we hadn’t gotten to in the past six days. Talking about the future made my insides swirl around because the future really isn’t that certain. But my future at Meredith College is coming to an end. After 2010 comes 2011 and along with that year comes college graduation. While I feel like I’m older and a little more street-and-people-savvy, the ideas of what I want to do are still not fully pieced together. It scares me. And just as I was getting into the place of panic where my breath was catching and my stomach was tightening, a sudden thought ran through my mind: Live in the moment.

Living in the moment is something that the ladies in my acting class are always lectured on. You want your scene to work? Live in the moment. Do you want an honest reaction out of your partner onstage? Live in the moment. We’ve learned that sometimes truth isn’t planned, that it just shows up spontaneously in your face when you least expect it onstage. Lying in that sleeping bag last night, I thought about how it not only just pertains to acting but to life as well-offstage. It’s good to be prepared, but preparedness can only take you so far sometimes. The choices you have to make aren’t scheduled into your daily planner; at times they just show up at the most unexpected time. And that even though I have only three semesters of college left, some of the life choices I still have to make haven’t reared their heads yet. But that’s okay, and instead of panicking, I should just see and really just enjoy what I do have in the present moment-which is actually quite a lot.

So tonight, while you're celebrating the newness of 2010, take in what's around you in that moment. Be safe, sip on yo' drank (keep it classy), and have a blast, everyone! Bring on that new decade!

Christmas Subramaniac-style

Merry Christmas, my North Carolina chums! I hope all of you have had a wonderful day curled up by fires with eggnog and candycanes and fat Santa Claus men at your doorstep. My Christmas was spent traveling to the state where my absolute favorite dessert in the entire world is made: buckeyes. Yes, I am in the state of Ohio where we are gathering for the annual family fest. This is not just a simple get together by any means. No, no, this usually involves fights over who pays the dinner check, building something for my aunt's school (my cousin Divya and I broke a ready-made shelf last year), and someone usually gets sent to the emergency room (my dad was the victim last year. For slipping on ice. While wearing his standard argyle socks with sandals). But you know, no matter how many times Divya and I can make jokes about the family and what chaos will ensue during this visit, I look forward to it every year. Because when we are together, there are so many stories and laughs and screaming that it just practically makes me burst with holiday joy (as sappy as that sounds).

After a short flight to Charlotte, I got on the next plane to Ohio. I must say, I always have interesting plane stories. Last year I tripped over a trashcan that sent me careening into the men's bathroom in the airport, and the year before I fell on the straight escalator thing that is supposedly faster than just walking. This time, I was hit on by a thirty-six year old seat mate who asked if I was a student (yes), single (yes...I should've said no, a la Taylor Swift, I realize), and then replied, "I am too. I am still waiting to find my person." And then stared at me. And realize, I was in the very back of the plane, the absolute asscrack of this flying metal can, so I was already Grinch-cranky. This just about sent me into overdrive. And yet, now that I'm with my cousin, I can laugh about it. After getting an invite to a Texas concert from this man, I somehow made it off the plane and officially on Ohio territory.

My Christmas/post-21 presents include a wine glass, cocktail book, jewelry, and a Nebraska shirt (Div goes to UNL). Pictures will follow, because the wine glass is adorable. The best parts of the night? Finally getting to hug my grandfather (my Thatha), and him asking me if we could play Scrabble sometime (he will kick my ass), going to Friendly's for late-night sundaes with Divya, and watching hysterical Youtube videos with my aunts and uncles. It almost makes up for the fact that my daddy, brother, and stepmom are in DC right now celebrating with other fam.

Tonight's thought? Love your family and friends. Not just on Christmas, though. Everyday. Because if I didn't appreciate them the way I did, things like this wouldn't be possible:

Tonight Spencer, Sabrina, and I saw the movie Precious. I had known that this movie would be one of those earth-shattering beautiful movies that made you laugh and cry, sometimes all at once. I had read the book Push (which is what the movie is based off of), but seeing it onscreen made it so much more real. Precious is about an illiterate sixteen-year-old girl who is pregnant with her second child-her father's child. It chronicles her life and her struggles with her incredibly abusive mother and how at times, it really seems like the dark hole she's in is never ending. I'm not going to give any more away, but I will say that the message of hope just had me in tears-that and the fact that Lenny Kravitz as a nurse is an image that Spencer and I will have forever tattooed in our minds-because it's so true.

I feel like I'm so, so lucky. I'm lucky to have such amazing friends who are always there, even when I'm not at my best. And then there's my family, who can be just as discombobulated as the next, but who remains my biggest fans. I'm so thankful for them and how we've made it through all those seemingly endless dark moments. We've been able to grow-and definitely have a million laughs-over every single one. I was thinking about this movie while driving back home and how sometimes it seems like you'll never get out of the rut you're in; but the truth is, you will. You just have to keep pushing, just like Precious.

The Quest for the Red Peacoat

Ever since seeing the movie Love Actually, I have been wanting someone to come to my door and surprise me with hand-written posters that end with "To me, you are perfect." Preferably Gerard Butler, Colin Firth, Hugh Grant...yes, I happen to like the accents as well. As much as I want, well, that, after seeing this gem of a film, I have become obsessed with Martine McCutcheon's (or rather, her character Natalie) red peacoat that she wears towards the end of the film. See for yourself:



In this shot, it may not be the best, but in the movie it grabbed my attention immediately. Complete with that cute sparkly cream-colored hat and we have a winner (as well as a star-struck, er, coat-struck viewer who will rewind the end scene with Martine jumping into Hugh Grant's arms about three times). I want a red peacoat. Badly. There is nothing wrong with my turquoise one aside from the fact that it is turquoise and a loose button. But I want a red one so I can feel like Natalie and imagine myself meeting Hugh Grant.

So I've been scouting for this wonderful find everywhere. A few days ago in New York and Company, I was so close to finding it. I was in the store with my friend Kellie and we saw a rack of peacoats. My eye was immediately drawn to a bright red one and for a moment my teeth almost fell out in excitement because this goal had only been set a few days before, so achieving it so quickly was thrilling. But alas, I decided to try the coat on and not just mindlessly buy it, and of course, I found like, fifty flaws. For one, it's not too long but not to short, so I resemble a stoat with legs that look shorter than they are. And it came with a belt which seemed to emphasize things that should not be emphasized. And it just didn't feel right. Like if I were to see Hugh Grant in the airport, I couldn't imagine jumping on him in that particular red peacoat. It was a total jip from the real thing. So I shall keep looking.

The quest continues.

Kellie Deaton is quite possibly the most lovely friend on the planet-she has not only inspired me to get back to blogging, but she has also made me a blogger head. I think she has transcended the status of "friend" and moved onto "saint". Though this is the first entry of my blog and should probably be about how I went on the elliptical for an hour today and didn't faint, I've decided to dedicate this entry to a very, very special friend of mine: Ashley Chandler Phillips.

I met Ashley my freshman year at Meredith. I thought that she hated me. This was because whenever we saw each other in the theatre building we would look at each other and keep looking until we were out of sight, but never said a word. Until one day, we were walking by each other (doing the looking thing again), and she stopped and smiled and said, "Hey." And then somehow, through a string of happenstance run-ins and conversation, we became very, very good friends. It turned out she had never really hated me at all, but had never said anything because I had never said anything, and you see where this is going. The point is, as the past two years have flown by, she has become one of my closest friends at Meredith.

If I could compare her to one thing, it would be sunshine. She has never failed to make me laugh when I am having a not-so good day, and move me to tears with her stunning acting ability. Ashley is loyal, dedicated, and very sure of what she wants, something that not a lot of people can say about themselves. She has a way of quietly consoling you when you're sad or jumping up and down exuberantly when you excel. She really is a true blue friend, and someone that I will hold close to me always.

Ashley is leaving to go here:

She is going to Los Angeles to work and try this beautiful, crazy, bright acting thing. This is something that not a lot of alums have done, and something that is so shockingly brave. I am so proud of Ashley because she is so determined, so fiercely determined to have success. I'm sure she's afraid. Actually, I know she is. But she is taking the plunge, and that is something that I admire her for, very much. With her talent and strong head on her shoulders, I know she can and will prevail in a city where there can be a lot of chaos. And when she does get big and famous and wins an Oscar, I'll either be in the audience (winning my own, hopefully) or in my pajamas, eating ice cream, and reflecting like I am now, on this incredible being.



I'm going to miss you, Ash. You've become one of my best friends at school, and you always will be. Congratulations, lady.