Denial...not just a river.

I've been putting off this blog post for awhile. By not writing about IT, buying black shoes for IT, buying a brightly colored dress for IT, writing a Class Day speech before IT the next day, and not thinking about decorating my cap for IT, I'd say I have been living my life blissfully in denial, smiling widely when someone dare utters the "G" word, only to feel my eyes grow hot and start to tear.

But alas, denial can only take you so far.

IT...ugh, fine, GRADUATION is this weekend. The four years I've spent at my second home, sweet Meredith College, are coming to a close. It's a frightening, wonderful, exhilarating, and honestly, upsetting feeling, a jumble of emotions that I cannot quite track. I feel like this last week has been so busy, not with anything academic related, but just...stuff. I've planned a theatre banquet, written another skit, folded one pile (out of ten) of laundry, gone on a safari for overdue library books, Web MD'd possible foot ailments...you get the idea. I haven't had time to just...be in my college, and take in the little things that have always made MC that much more special. I passed by Joyner this afternoon and was suddenly struck with the thought that I walked those halls as a student for the last time this past Sunday. I'm getting my Oddball wig ready for tomorrow, and I can feel that lump returning to my throat again, and that painful pang in stomach gets tighter.

Thankfully, tonight I saw three of my very best friends, all Meredith alums, and all so special to me in so many ways. Kasey, blunt one that she is, said, "It sucks for awhile. You'll always miss it...but it gets better each day." Kellie merely asked, "What do you need Kiki? What do you need right now?" Meghan just scratched my back, which just about put me to sleep. And I can bet you when I see Amy tomorrow, she'll probably do what she always does, and say wise words to me that are true and will make me cry.

The one thing that all three reiterated was to enjoy each moment and to not be sad. Because, in retrospect, it really is going to be a phenomenal weekend. Alright. Deep breath...and....GO.

And it's April.

"April," Amy Damone declared. "Is the most important month for a Meredith girl. No one else understands but those who are there."

And oh, how right she is. This month has been one of the most stressful (Convocations! Cap and gown purchases! Chord ordering! Wow, these are a lot of "C" things...), sad (a lot of "last's" are coming up for the seniors), and hectic (all I'm saying is who assigns a fifteen page paper in seminar? In the last month? When you're already ready to collapse? I ask you again, readers, WHO DOES THAT?!). But, in the midst of all of the craziness, I am finding little gems:

1) I'm finding that my parentals are pretty freaking great. They're starting to say things like, "When you move to L.A," and "When we find you, Syd, and Kathleen an apartment..." I think they're starting to realize that Kiki Subrawoman has a plan, a vision, a need for adventure, and a thirst to make it happen. I've been talking to my mom a lot more, and I'm finding that we actually have a lot in common in terms of how her mindset was in college. And I'm beginning to feel a lot more reassured.

2) It's okay to let people go sometimes. It sucks, that's for damn sure. But sometimes I look at how truly amazing my real friends are versus the ones who, well, just haven't been around. I see how different they are. This April has shown me that my fabulous friends really outdo themselves: from the e-mails, calls, texts, reassurances, and the constant, "Oh my God, you're going to be excellent in whatever you do!" it seriously makes me teary. I'm so grateful. Then I look at the ones who are the exact opposite. And then I realize that instead of focusing on the ones that aren't so great, I have the right to focus on the ones that are. And, as the always-wise Amy tells me, "You deserve great friends. Go getchu some."

3) Reconnecting with old friends is the best feeling in the world. I think my last semester has been fifty times better because of it.

4) It's perfectly okay to have an addiction to coffee, to the point where you have a myriad of mugs stashed in your car. I mean, really. I'm allowed a vice. I don't smoke. I work out (er...not as regularly right now, but I'm a senior, so whatever). I smile at cute children when walking by them. I deserve an addiction.

5) The best is yet to come. Cliche? Totally. The realization that this is absolutely true? Profound.

6) It's okay to use vindictiveness as motivation. There's always going to be people who doubt you. What I'm finding is that I'm going to use that to set my working soul on fire and prove them wrong. And then laugh and do cartwheels in my bright blue and yellow kitchen when I am successful.

7) I will find the perfect graduation dress. :)

Alright, April. Let's do this...